


My Star

by ironikolai



Category: Life of the Party D&D (Web Series)
Genre: Being Lost, D&D, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Homesickness, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I feel for Astra, Oh to be a bard, Sanskra, Tavern
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-02-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:00:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22932157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ironikolai/pseuds/ironikolai
Summary: After finally arriving in Sanskra, the party have a well-earned night in a tavern. Revelry and drinking aside, Astra takes a moment to clear his head and reminisce on his home, now so far away from him.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	My Star

The wind rolled off the sea and whistled through the winding ginnels and board pathways of Sanskra. It brought a biting chill and another wave of thick sea fog, which hadn’t abated since their arrival. Not that Astra minded. Inside the tavern, where he’d reeled and danced and played until his feet ached and his heart sang, the air had been thick with heat and drink. The wind had soothing hands as he’d stepped into the night.

As much as the atmosphere within the tavern was enjoyable, he needed a moment to himself. All night, patrons had chanted his name and his coin purse was significantly fuller now that it had been upon arrival. When he hadn’t been playing, he’d been dancing. Renard was a keen partner. He was also oddly sprightly and well-footed for a man in two-inch heels. They’d partnered together for at least three dances before Renard had been picked off by Elyse and then by Boblem. Between the four of them, they'd been red-faced and breathless. As the source of most of the night's entertainment, the party also wound up trapped within the clamour, almost forced to dance and perform until it felt as if they could go on no longer. Elyse was almost too drunk to stand. Astra would’ve been more worried if Pebble wasn’t alongside her (also considerably intoxicated) and if Boblem wasn’t pushing cups of water into her hands every so often.

When he’d finally found himself on the edge of the rambunctious crowd, it had been easy to slip away unnoticed. Tucked around the side of the tavern, just out of sight of the door, he rested. Back against the wood that was slick with beaded dew as the night air cooled the day’s warmth, Astra sighed.

It was still strange. Despite only knowing them a short while, their small party already felt like friends. He shouldn’t have been surprised really. They’d already endured so much together. Needless to say, however, Astra hadn’t been around friends in a long while.

He couldn’t quite remember how long he’d been away from home at that point. A month? Three? Several? It was easy to lose track of time when you were lost. That’s what he was, after all. At least with the party, his direction had a more obvious purpose. Whatever his own goals were, they tended towards aimlessness sometimes. It was fun, at first. Who knew where he'd end up. Easy humour and a well-timed song meant he avoided any foul interactions, but it was exciting nonetheless. Even so, he was alone. His feet carried him between cities and then again through their various taverns. Not to drink, just to watch. The people in them were so lively. If they had enough liquor in their bellies, they'd often forget he was an outsider and drag him into the fray. Every so often, he’d play for them and their reactions made him feel like his journey wasn’t so lonely after all.

That certainly wasn’t the case now. Travelling with such a mismatched group made it almost impossible to feel lonely. Almost. In such a short period, Astra had learned so much about the world. About himself. With all his newfound friends that night, packed in a crowded tavern and lost to euphoria, it was easy to forget how young their friendship was. They seemed to have an equal understanding. Within that, Astra belonged. For the first time in a long while, he wasn’t a nameless tiefling bard passing through, offering the occasional song from the corner of some tavern just to garner some company for an hour or two. He was Verdant Astra. The people in there knew him, either because they were friends or because Elyse had talked him up to them, proclaiming him as a famous performer. He’d never been asked for an autograph before that night.

Astra took a deep breath. The more of the night air he took, the further away the clamour of the tavern seemed to be. The peace was oddly welcome. It was difficult to adjust from having almost no one around him to having a group of friends plus an entire tavern. His mind was reeling. At least outside, alone, he had room to think for a moment.

Considering how much he was enjoying himself, it wasn’t as if he was ungrateful for the company. Sharing his time with new friends and playing to a lively crowd was the most fun he’d had in a while. It was just… bittersweet. On nights like this one, it was difficult not to think of his family.

While they hadn’t frequented cities or even taverns too often, preferring the quiet solitude of the forest, his family would have enjoyed tonight. Not too long ago, he’d have spent such an evening with them. It was just family though. They’d light a bonfire around the back of the house. Not a big one. It was always just large and hot enough to singe the sweetmeats and candied fruit that his mother made and make them sticky and soft. He’d pop them on sticks for his brother and sister. They’d grin, mouths sugary and eyes bright. Then they’d ask him to play a song. For hours, he’d play for them. They’d sing along more often than not. There were no specific songs because they enjoyed pouring out words. Some were successful, others less so, but they always sang to the tune he played, changing the words to fit the tone of the song. They were beautiful singers, perhaps more so than himself, and their parents teased them all endlessly that they were well-suited to being a travelling trio of singers. Now, of course, it was only Astra that had ever left Riveni. He hoped his siblings didn’t resent him for it. He doubted they did, but he also doubted his parents still joked about them all the way they used to.

Occasionally, his parents would dance. Jigs, reels, slow and steady waltzes. Astra would play until his fingers were sore and chapped just so he could watch them together. They were natural dancers. Whenever they danced, his siblings would only ever sing in Sylvan. It was always the same ballads. The songs his mother had taught them, songs of lost or forbidden love, were family favourites. Star-crossed, she’d called it. Far from the sickly sweet perversions of the dryad’s lulling voice a day or so before. It was true beauty. Only Sylvan could capture an emotion so fully and only his mother could sing it so beautifully. He wondered if they still danced together, now he and his music had long since left them.

His eyes found the stars. Only the few that were stubborn enough managed to cut through the light fog but they were there all the same. Small and distant, yes, but there. He wondered if somewhere, deep in the Riveni forest, his family were looking at those same stars and thinking of him, too.

Heart aching, he clutched his bag tightly. It was the closest he could get to reaching out to them, clutching them, hugging _them_. Reaching inside, he found what he was searching for and clenched it firmly in his fist, brushing a thumb over it. It was a comfort. Less than what he needed but all that he had with him. Astra missed his family more than words could express. He did not regret his adventures. He did, however, regret that they weren’t there too, seeing it alongside him.

“An impossible city floating on water, Ma,” he spoke into the breeze. His voice was hoarse, shouted out of him by the numerous songs of the evening. He hoped she could hear him. “It’s just as you said. The world really is a marvel.”

The words seemed to vanish, the sound sucked into the fog as if he’d never uttered anything at all. His heart sank. So far from home, could she even hear him? He’d never tried the spell from so far away before.

A moment of noise pulled Astra from his thoughts. A few drunken people – a genasi and an elf from what he could see – tumbled out from the tavern, hollering one of his songs in very off-key voices and laughing. The ache in his chest abated slightly as he observed them. They didn’t seem to notice him. He was tucked away, after all. There was an uncaring joy between them, shared in their full-bellied laughter and arms thrown around one another’s shoulders, that made him forget for a moment his own loneliness.

Then they passed and the world fell into relative quiet again, the noise of the tavern only a murmur, encased within the wooden walls. It was colder now. The chill had finally replaced the stifling heat from being inside and was less refreshing than it was simply nippy. Pushing off from the wall, Astra cast a lingering look at the city, swallowed in fog, before beginning to head inside.

As he opened the tavern door and the wave of noise filled his ears, he paused to spare a glance over his shoulder. The wind had picked up again. It lifted his hair, stirring the strands into a lively dance around his face. It did not carry the heavy, damp saltiness of sea air. It was not close and thick as fog should be. It was light, fragrant, in a way that took him a moment to place. It smelled of tree sap, mulled wine, and the rich, sticky plum cakes pedalled by vendors at the Riven masquerade festival he’d visited as a teenager. The memories that stirred were ones of summers long past, having wood-chopping competitions with his younger brother, and his sister's smile when he gave her her first panflute. It was home.

He smiled. The stars, so faint, seemed to glimmer a little brighter now and Astra could almost hear his mother’s voice on the breeze as it brushed his face.

_‘My star’_.

**Author's Note:**

> It's 2am and I've written this in one sitting and have NOT looked it over so if it's a mess, sorry. 
> 
> As someone who lives hundreds of miles from my own home and family, I really do sympathise with Astra's character a lot. It can be easy to feel alone, even if you are surrounded by wonderful people. He deserves happiness.


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